


Don't Let Go

by castledfranks



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Blood, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-18 00:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castledfranks/pseuds/castledfranks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles goes to Derek's to confront him about pushing Isaac... and everyone else... away and is shocked at what state he finds Derek in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> So this might be a bit triggering for some, as it does have mentions of Derek hurting himself. So if you have issues with blood or cutting, I'd suggest not reading.
> 
> This piece was very therapeutic for me in a sense that I was dealing with some crap this weekend and it helped me to remember why I love Derek's character so much and all that jazz. As usual, comments appreciated.

Stiles watched the broken alpha in awe. Derek was crouched in the corner, one knee to the ground as he gathered pieces of shattered glass in his hands without care. Not even a wince passed over his body as the jagged material sliced through his open palms. Blood dripped down his arms to the floor below, but Derek didn't seem to care at all.

The behavior was highly unlike him. Sure, he'd heal, but this place was new, and Stiles remembered the night they brought Cora and Boyd back. He was careful not to allow the blood stains to set in; he didn't want the same reminder he'd had in his old home, where his family's blood still lingered in every room.

Stiles rubbed his neck, and the movement caused Derek to pause momentarily before continuing his work. "Not now, Stiles," he said quietly.

His instincts never ceased to surprise Stiles. He took a step forward out of the darkness. "Derek, you're bleeding everywhere." He knew it was an obvious observation and he rolled his eyes at himself the moment the words left his tongue.

Derek glanced at the handful of glass resting on his palm. He stared at it for a long moment before closing his hand tightly. Blood poured out of his fist and Stiles reached down, grabbing Derek's shoulder.

"Derek, stop!" he shouted, his trembling fingers tightening around the muscles that rippled beneath as he desperately tried to get through to him. He placed his other palm on top of Derek's bloodied fist and pried it open. The glass fell to the floor and the wolf's hand healed almost instantly.

Derek squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again, he avoided Stiles' fearful eyes, and with reason.

Stiles noticed a single tear had formed in the corner of his eye. His own heart stopped in his chest; he'd never seen Derek like this before... no one had. Out of all the things Derek was, he was never emotional, at least not on the surface. He recalled Scott's words to him the night after he and Derek trapped the betas in the boiler room. 'We opened that door and Derek was kneeling there... and he looked... he was just so broken Stiles. I mean... the beating he took, both mind and body... I never understood Derek before but I do now. We forget he's been through so much, but just when it seems to take a turn for the better, it gets ten times worse for him. He's tired. Nobody should have to deal with what he's dealing with alone. I have to help him. I'm gonna save him... from the alphas and himself.' Tonight was just the proof that he had lost his will to live.

Stiles swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. He and Derek may not have had the best relationship, but he didn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. He curled his arms underneath Derek's and lifted him to his feet.

He was weak; his legs shook as soon as he was standing. He took one step and his knees buckled beneath him.

Stiles caught him and brought him over to the couch. He hurried to the kitchen, returned with a wet dish cloth and proceeded to wipe the dried blood from Derek's arm and hand. On any other night, Derek would've sassed him for even putting a finger on him, but tonight he merely sat there, staring at the glass on the floor. His behavior was troubling, and Stiles had to adjust the dialogue he'd arrived with when he expected Derek in his usual form.

"Scott told me... about what happened with Isaac," Stiles began slowly, his voice as low and soothing as he could muster. He was scared, and it was certainly evident in the way his voice cracked.

Derek's chest rose and fell so painfully slow, Stiles thought he might stop breathing any minute. Instead of answering, the alpha merely blinked, his focus still hard on the broken, now bloody glass.

Stiles cleared his throat, a habit he had when he wasn't sure what else to do. "Derek, come on," he urged him gently. 

He blinked again, his heavy lids struggling to stay open. "It was wrong," he breathed, swallowing hard against the pain in his throat. The single tear that lived in the corner of his eye finally fell so quickly, Stiles almost missed it. "I shouldn't have thrown the glass."

Stiles sat opposite Derek in the comfortable armchair. He watched him carefully; so that's what this latest episode was about? "Isaac's okay."

Derek shook his head. "No, he's not." Another tear replaced that one and hung around, threatening to unleash the river behind it. His voice dropped even lower, almost inaudible this time. "You shouldn't be here." 

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Derek..." 

"You should go," Derek cut in.

He said the words but his body betrayed him. Stiles knew if he really wanted him gone, he'd make sure Stiles was out the door by just getting to his feet and looming over him. That's all it took to intimidate Stiles; something about how Derek's physique appeared when he was standing square in front of him always frayed Stiles' nerves. "Why don't you just tell me why you did it. We all know it wasn't because of Cora."

Derek's body sunk into the couch and a slight quiver haunted his bottom lip. "I wanted him to go," he began, this time not bothering to hide the agony, disgust, and utter humiliation in his voice. "I knew he wouldn't leave unless..."

"Unless you... became his father?"

Derek shuddered at the comparison and a tiny sob escaped his lips.

"Why was it so important for him to go? Why is it so important for all of us to go?" His query was met with silence, so Stiles took advantage of the opportunity to unload the thoughts weighing heavy on his mind. "Derek, you can't fight the alphas on your own. More importantly, you don't have to. Your pack is here. Scott and I, we're here. Hell, even Allison..."

"No!" Derek growled, and it was the most energy Stiles had seen him exert. "Everyone goes. Nobody gets involved, okay?"

Stiles narrowed his eyes. "Derek, you're being kind of ridiculous here. Everything you said you wanted - help, peace amongst your pack and the Argents, Scott as your brother... it's all happening and the only thing you need to do is reach out and grab it and instead, you're pushing everyone away."

"You don't get it Stiles! Everyone around me gets hurt... and I can't let anyone else die for me."

Stiles shook his head and folded his arms over his chest. Derek seemed to be regaining some of his strength, and Stiles was done going easy on him. "So what's the alternative?" he spat, his tone completely unrecognizable. "You get yourself killed? How do you think your pack is going to feel knowing they could've been at your side to save you? And Cora... how will she feel knowing how close she was to being with her brother again?"

"Stiles," Derek warned, shutting his eyes and retreating.

"No," Stiles pushed back, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. He only remembered one other time he was this blunt; it was the night he yelled at Lydia. "What about Scott? Do you even know what it did to him to see you broken down in that boiler room?"

"Stiles, please. Stop."

"And what about me?" he yelled, his voice quivering at the mere thought of Derek dying. "Sure, you're a dick but I don't want to lose you! Nobody does! This crusade of yours... it's not only incredibly stupid, it's selfish." He was angry, and it felt good to lay it all down on the table.

Derek didn't move; he couldn't. He was frozen in time as Stiles' words crashed over him in waves. "You're wrong," he said. "It'd be better if I was gone."

Stiles wanted to scream, but instead he rolled his eyes and pushed himself out of his seat, his fingers tugging on the short strands he'd grown over the summer. "You're an idiot!" he said, unable to help himself. "Do you really believe that?"

For the first time, Derek locked eyes with Stiles, giving him a glimpse into the sad, tortured soul that is reflected in his piercing stare. The look said it better than any words could.

Stiles shook his head slowly, momentarily stunned by Derek's vulnerability, the vulnerability he was allowing Stiles to witness. "You can't die, okay?" he said quietly, looking down at his hands. The moment had become too intimate, and Stiles didn't know how to handle it. He did awkward like a pro, but intimate? He'd never held someone's psyche in the palm of his hand, never had the ability to break someone with a simple series of words. That's how raw Derek was. It was terrifying.

"I won't let anyone else die for me," he repeated.

"Wasn't it you who told Scott you guys were stronger as a pack? You make yourself an omega and you lose. You leave your betas and what do they have?"

"Scott."

Stiles groaned. Yes, it was a sore subject. Scott was becoming an alpha, had been for a while now. And Derek wanted to relinquish his pack to Scott as part of his suicide mission. "Co-lead," Stiles pressed. "Together, you can strengthen the pack by combining humans and werewolves, and I have no doubt we can take the alphas down... even Deucalion."

Derek shook his head softly. He wanted to believe he was strong enough, smart enough. But history would tell him he was neither. He believed it was better to fuck up on his own rather then take the whole town down with him.

"You won't be successful you know... pushing us away," Stiles replied, almost reading his mind. "I know you want to protect everyone, but you can't do that. And it's not up to you to keep everyone safe."

"Yes it is," Derek replied almost instantly.

"No," Stiles continued. "It's not. We are all responsible for the choices we make. And this town... your pack, your family, Scott and Allison, we're all choosing to stand by you. We're all choosing to face the danger to save Beacon Hills... and to save you."

Derek looked at Stiles again, who shrugged.

"Believe that or not. We're not gonna let you spiral out of control. Everyone here has lost someone they love. Don't you think we've lost enough?"


End file.
